The Mystery of the Infinitesimal Equus africanus asinus
There was a rustling of unknown origin in the tall grass. A strange shape appeared lumbering around in the grasslands at the edge of the forest. As soon as these anomalies appeared on the Laboratory's sonar, Viktor and Einida set aside the natural human emotions of fear and dread, and gathered their gear, to go out into the cold, dark night in order to investigate this mystery.
A coyote howled. Allowing herself a shred of human emotion, Einida contemplated the possibility of a hideous death from a pack of Canis latrans.
“What was that?,” hissed Einida after hearing the rustling of more grass.
“Grass rustling,” whispered Viktor, with unhelpful obviousness.
“Iknow that. But what caused...?”
“Not enough data has been collected....,” interrupted Viktor.
They stared in the direction of the noise through night-vision goggles.
"The hell?!...,” sputtered Viktor.
“It...it... looks like a donkey? But it's so tiny,” Einida said in disbelief.
“How can such a stalwart animal become miniaturized? The donkey is the most noble friend of humankind, if one chooses to ignores the whole 'noble dog' notion. Do you suppose someone's invented a shrinking ray gun for animals? Or have mad scientists been tinkering with the genetics of these darling donkeys?"
“Well," said Einida, slipping as usual into lecture mode, "the donkey has served humankind for thousands of years, as a pack animal, a source of dairy products, and even as a form of transportation. Donkeys have been so important to civilization that they were buried in the royal tombs in Egypt. I could go on, as the history of the donkey is quite riveting....”
“Yes, I do not doubt you, but what purpose could a miniature donkey serve? It can't carry much on its back. It isn't big enough to scare off a coyote. What practical use would they serve, and who would create such a bizarre distortion of the natural order?”
Einida pointed a red light at the donkey's hindquarters. "What's that tied to his tail?"
Viktor gently grabbed the tail and untied a bow. An envelope fluttered into the dry grass. Viktor quickly opened it and started reading aloud.
“Dear Esteemed Colleagues,
I discovered these mysteriously miniaturized equines and I am baffled by their utility. I urge you to study them closely and to develop some research studies that will determine their abilities. What are these magnificent asses good for?
Unfortunately, the study of animal behavior is not my area of specialty and so I have donated two diminutive donkeys to your Laboratory in hopes that you can answer these questions.
Sincerely,
An Anonymous Scientist."
The grass rustled again as a second donkey stumbled into the light.
Viktor took out his radio and said, “Mr. Adams, come in. I have an urgent pick-up for two... er, minute donkeys at this grid reference....”
After giving the coordinates to Mr. Adams, the Laboratory's resident groom, Viktor thought for a moment. He rubbed his hands with glee and said, “Just imagine the opportunity that has been dumped into our laps, as it were--the chance to delve into the brains of these amazing animals, to explore the intricacies of their thoughts, their emotions, their etiquette....There's no time to waste! To the Stockade!”
But Viktor's curiosity had gotten the better of his good sense, for he was soon to find out that despite his desire to harness and shape these petite equines, these Liliputian neddies were his equal and indeed his superior in certain areas, to the extent that it was by no means sure as to which of them, at the end of the evaluations, would be proved the master and which the ass.